Dealing with Stress from a Male-Dominated Workplace

Have you ever found yourself at the end of a two-hour long sob, wondering what got you there and how you ended up on the floor surrounded by tissues? Well I’ve just recently indulged in the transformative powers of a good cry and let’s just say it was… sobering.

The reasons for my outburst were most likely the stacking stresses of work, financial concerns, and the constant pressure to prove myself in a male-dominated work environment. I hope my experience resonates with some of you, although the outcome of this current situation led to me leaving my job, i’ve picked up a job in a traditionally male role once more…stay tuned.

The Boiling Pot

The job that pushed me over the edge was in the heart of a ship, working in the engine room as an engineers assistant. There are a select few in my field who strive for the highest ideals but a majority settle in merely surviving the month long patrols, and another select few who take joy in making each patrol an unbearable hell for some.

The Experience Felt By Too Many

This pattern is common and all too familiar in many workplaces. As a woman, working in a traditionally male-dominated field, there are added challenges to fostering a healthy working environment. In navigating this I’ve encountered a range of issues, from subtle digs to outright harassment.

subtle harassment

It’s the little things that add up… the uncomfortable comments that feel like tiny jabs, the flirtatious remarks seeking validation, and the constant questioning of my natural emotional responses. Then there are the more overt displays of dominance, like appropriating my ideas as their own or making judgments based solely on appearance. Even professional interactions with male colleagues can feel trivialized and undermined assuming a romantic goal in each. 

outright harassment

This escalated to more serious complications, such as having to navigate unwanted advances from supervisors and tolerating deeply inappropriate behaviour, like being subjected to explicit discussions of extramarital affairs that were the blame for substance abuse. These experiences cut to my core during my working hours and after. 

Poor Leadership

After spending two years under the leadership of my current supervisor, I found myself reaching a breaking point. His manipulative tactics had cultivated a toxic environment where speaking up meant risking being labeled as “hysterical” or “unmanageable.” It felt like the tension between tectonic plates, with each small instance of frustration and anger building up quietly beneath the surface, only to eventually culminate into a massive emotional outburst. This oppressive atmosphere made it impossible to address issues constructively, leaving me feeling trapped and powerless.

Why Do We Suffer?

As I recently found myself in this emotional upheavel, picking myself up off the floor and considering reaching out to my therapist, I couldn’t help but wonder… Why did I feel the need to grieve my stress in solitude? 

We’re all trapped

The notion that vulnerability is seen as weakness and expression is suppressed reminds me of the phenomenon seen in men, termed “normative male alexithymia.”  It is a concept that highlights the societal expectations placed on men to remain stoic and unemotional, especially in environments like the male-dominated workplace I find myself in. However, reflecting on this within the context of my own experiences as a woman in such a setting, I can’t help but notice the overt reactions to my feminine nature. It prompts me to question the authenticity of this stoic portrayal—is it truly a reflection of emotional restraint, or could it be a response rooted in envy toward natural expressions of vulnerability, which they themselves fear expressing? 

Are We Really That Different?

The emotional regulation of men and women differ only slightly according to a study using fMRI to examine both genders reaction to negative responses. Determining that the use of cognitive reappraisal is stronger in men for down-regulating the amygdala but women will engage positive affect using the ventral striatum more, thus creating a barely discernible case in conventional studies that could have been influenced by stereotypes.

This is just scratching the surface of the complexities of gender dynamics in the workplace, more discussion is needed to get more finite accuracy on our ‘learnt’ differences to hopefully conclude that we are more similar than the conventional image may influence us to believe.

Is It Worth It?

It begs the questions, is it truly worth sacrificing my mental and emotional well-being to continue working in this environment? It is imperative to advocate for inclusiveness and prioritize mental health and emotional well-being for men and women. But do I have what it takes to continue the battle against gender norms?

It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it

Hans Selye

While not all stress is bad; some is necessary for growth and adaptation. But when negative stress becomes excessive, it can affect our mental and physical well-being in profound ways. It’s not just about feeling overwhelmed; it’s a complex interplay of emotions and bodily responses. 

So when I am met with complications from my supervisor, the added pressure blurs the line between the “good” stress from a passion in my work, and the “bad” stress, characterized by anxiety and my dwindling confidence. 

Stress tests our resilience, but it’s essential to recognize when it transitions from being manageable to overwhelming. So how can we manage? 

Taking Care of Yourself

Without sounding too cliché, maintaining good health through balanced nutrition and regular exercise is an essential component of thriving in any kind of working environment, and in life. I recognize the difficulty and amount of disciplinary strength it takes to climb out of a rut, but prioritizing personal well-being is non-negotiable. Start at your own pace and take care of yourself. Your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for the people in your life who rely on you. By placing yourself first, you can continue the ongoing battle in restoring balance between right and wrong. Try speaking to someone you can trust at work to find guidance in navigating your path to equality, we are not as alone as we may think. And remember, any person, organization, or workplace that fails to value your well-being and that of others is not worth sacrificing for. 

With Love

I hope to have shed some light on the trials and tribulations of navigating stress and self-worth in an unhealthy working environment. This is a journey known by many, that requires courage, resilience, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. And as I continue to unpack my emotions, I am reminded of the importance of seeking support, from within and from those around me, in our journey towards healing and growth. With Love.